if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
