This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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