I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
