Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
