In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
