My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
