So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
