It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
