wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
