you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
