my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
