no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
