You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
