he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
