I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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