My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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