I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
