Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
