So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
