where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They are going to name an STD after you.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
