from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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