Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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