Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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