I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
