Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Someone signed my nipple.
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