ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
