and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
