Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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