Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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