Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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