I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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