i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
