I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
