i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
