it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
