I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
