I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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