this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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