He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
