OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
