at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
