Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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