What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
