just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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