It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
