When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
try to milk me bitch
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
