plz talk dirty to me
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have aggressive nipples.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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