I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
