I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
