Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
