i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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