he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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